Dearest Grandma

This post is dedicated to the one who is the closest to me, and the one who loved me the most; my dearest grandma. Although you did not witness me came out in cold, covered in blood, but you're the one who witnessed my everything, when i took off my first step, and the first word that came out from my mouth. You're the one who always cared the most for me, the one who woke up as early as 5am to prepare food, on the heater, and iron my clothing before i wake up to prepare for school. You stuffed money into my wallet, afraid that i do not have enough to eat. My allowance at that time was 50 bucks everyday. You spoiled me, grandma. You've been so nice to me that you did not enjoy much of ur life, just worrying about ur children and grandchildren. Till your last breathe, i know you still could not let go of all of us. I always tell myself when i grow up, i wanna buy a big house and stay with you, even after i got married. I wanna be with you my whole life, buy big car and drive you out all around the world, earn big money and get you a chauffeur. But all this is too late. I have not grown up yet. I've not earn big money yet, neither had i bought a house yet. The only thing i did was treat you and the maid to kfc to eat and ordered pizza for both of you when i got my first pay. Do you remember, that was your fav? Until recently when i bought food for you and stuffs, you told me it taste bad, becuz ur taste bud had changed and you find all these food unappealing. All these months, i had been preparing myself for the worst, but nvr did i expect, the day when you left me, the fact hit my so hard that up till now, i still feel that you're around. I kept telling myself that you're gone but deep inside me or what, i kept feeling that you're still around. Is it me or what, that i could not accept the fact, or im too used to ur presence. I once told myself when i was young, if you're gone, then what's the point of me living anymore. You're the one who is the most important to me, and now you're gone, what's the point of me still here, without you. Grandma, i really miss you alot. Though i know how much everyone tell me it's a relief for you, say me selfish or what, i still hope you're here by my side. Do you rmb how you used to fetch me after school, when my school bus arrived downstairs, either you or grandpa will welcome me with such warm smile. Grandpa will always stuff me with some money and asked me to get some food for myself. Every occasion, you'll cook your dark sauced whole chicken for us, make dumpling and alot alot of nice food for us. I miss all your cooking, i miss your attentiveness towards me. I miss your scallop porridge, when im not well, you always cooked that for me, you rmb? You know how much i love scallop, you'll always put alot of scallop for me. Grandma, i miss your scallop porridge. The next time when im sick, who's gonna cook scallop porridge for me? Who's gonna wake up every now and then to check if im ok, who's gonna wake up to cover my blanket for me? Grandma, i really miss you alot alot! No one will ever wait up for me at home till i reached home anymore. When i was staying with you, you always make a point to wait up for me. You wouldnt sleep till i reached home safely. no matter how many times i called back to ask you to sleep first, you refused. No one is gonna pat me to sleep anymore, let me lie on your lap till i fall asleep. Grandma, i really hope that you're doing fine at the other world now. Are you with grandpa now? I really hoped that you're doing good. I miss you, and i love you.